• I’ve Been Negligent… I’m Sorry

    The post with my dad’s obituary on November 6, 2016, was the last post I have written here. Writing a new post will push it down below this one… I wasn’t ready to do that before, I am not sure if I am ready now.

    I was not ready for any of this; my hubby is diagnosed with Lymphoma on December 13, 2015 and goes through a course of chemo. In April of 2016, my mother is diagnosed with lung cancer and given four to six weeks to live. She had chemo for a couple of months, but it was too much for her, so she stopped the chemo. She has been on oxygen ever since, using an oxygen machine at home. She is still with us today, but recently she has been in the hospital several times. She has congestive heart failure and her lungs fill with fluid so she get pneumonia. In the hospital they give her medicine, then send her home.

    In September of 2016, my dad was suddenly showing signs of illness. At the end of September, he went to the emergency room twice, only to be released. Something was very wrong. On Thursday, September 29th, 2016, dad had a massive stroke.

    This is really hard… I write this with tears flowing freely… This is not necessarily a bad thing…

    Since the stroke, there was only only one word he could say, it was “Eila,” my mother’s name. There was something he wanted to share, and on Saturday and Sunday he tried to speak to both of us. His frustration was apparent as he tried to form the words that would not come. I privately assured him that he did not have to worry about mom for I would be there for her. He seemed to relax a little.

    On Tuesday, October 4th 2016, my mother and I were sitting on opposite sides of his bed, me on his right, mom on his left. We had just been asked by the hospital staff to decide which nursing home we should place dad in. Dad had an oxygen mask on, and he could not speak, but as I looked into his beautiful crystal blue eyes, they were clear. He knew what was going on. As mom and I talked, I glanced at dad and his mask seemed to fog up. I reached for his hand, but it was too late. The nurses came bursting into the room; the alarm at the nurse’s desk had gone off. Dad’s heart had stopped.

    I begged him to come back, even when I knew he could not.

  • Dealing With Cancer, XXXIV

    Have you ever been so numb that you start staring at walls for no reason? You stare and stare, but you do not even see the wall? Do you ever feel like you could do this for days, preferring the blank wall to the realities of life? Have you ever felt like you were not ready for the realities, but you were helpless to change them? Has this helplessness ever made you so furious that you rise up and shake your fist to the sky… Shake your fist at no one?


    This is the most beautiful wedding picture I have ever seen. How can I live without them? They are so in love…

    My mother has shocked her doctors because she is sill alive; I am grateful. My dad has just been diagnosed with possible lung and stomach cancer.


  • Jaco, Jaco, Jaco…

    Someone sent me a link to this comment.


    This is in response to a post I made of your continuing cyber-harassment and threats to me.


    This becomes insidious when you add this threat to your growing list of threats.


    So, let us get back to your latest response. First, a geography lesson is in order. My city is the capitol of California, and it is on the West coast of the USA.


    Now let us get to my favorite part. Unless you have been living under a rock, you must have heard of cyber-stalking. Cyber-stalking usually starts on social media, as evidenced by your poorly disguised threats above. It does not matter where you live… It’s caller “cyber” for a reason.

    Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group, or an organization. It may include false accusations, defamation, slander and libel. It may also include monitoring, threats, or gathering information that may be used to threaten, embarrass, humiliate or harass.

    Next, let us address your understanding of the law. Telling you what to do is not an infringement of your rights. Please seek legal advice from a real attorney, and make sure you give them all the facts, not just those you cherry-picked. The deriding statements, threatening comments, questions alluding to the fact that you have looked at my house on Google Earth, coupled with the threat, “We will get to you,” would nullify any delusional claims you think you have. They are, in fact, indicative of a cyberstalker.

    False accusations. Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them. They post false information about them on websites. They may set up their own websites, blogs or user pages for this purpose. They post allegations about the victim to newsgroups, chat rooms, or other sites that allow public contributions such as Wikipedia or Amazon.com.
    False victimization. The cyberstalker will claim that the victim is harassing him/her.
    The posting of defamatory or derogatory statements. Using web pages and message boards to incite some response or reaction from their victim.
    Harassment, embarrassment and humiliation of the victim

    Now, what part of CEASE AND DESIST are you having such trouble understanding.

  • We are done, Jaco

    I have not looked at your blog, I do not care to. When you began to make empty threats against me, after reading the content of your blog earlier, so many of you comments (including the ones to me), it became obvious that you are not worthy; no matter how hard you pound your chest professing what a man you are. Who are you trying to convince, because it’s not working for me? Pamela deserves so much better…


    There is no terrorist conspiracy; are you over-dramatic or what?

    Terrorism is, in its broadest sense, the use or threatened use of violence (terror) in order to achieve a political, religious, or ideological aim. Although “terrorism” originally referred to acts committed by a government, currently it usually refers to the killing of innocent people for political purposes in such a way as to create a spectacle.

    So Jaco, how many innocent people have we killed? Do you not see how stupid you sound?

    You have negated any claim you had for harassment with your own behavior. The retaliation you have resorted to, the threats, the put downs, the blackmail, your comments, and your blog, have created a hostile environment, making you the biggest bully/harasser. Had you actually consulted with any attorney of worth, you would have been advised that you are doing yourself more harm than good.

    On the advice of my attorney, I now humbly request that you cease and desist your attacks and threats against me and anyone connected to me.

    You are a lucky man, for you have a woman that loves you dearly, with all of her heart. You have a chance to create a beautiful life for yourself if you embrace her love and return it in kind. Look in the mirror and decide what is more important to you, this losing battle you are waging, or your happiness. I sincerely hope that you would prefer love and peace to silly Facebook battles.

    I know that reading this from me will immediately send your walls up, make you suspicious, and probably anger you… I know because my husband is the same way, but I know my husband’s heart is good, and for Pamela’s sake, I want to believe yours is too. I want to believe that you, like my husband, are hot-headed and quick to react, but that is not what you are all about. My husband’s emotions are intense, all of them, and I know how easy it is for others to see the intense reactions as all there is. That would be a mistake.

    Good luck to you, Jaco.

  • Reply to Jaco van Deventer

    As background, I received a note from someone that has been warring with members that belong to a group that I administer. I really had not paid attention to much of the back and forth between the parties, not wanting to get involved. Here is the note, that was posted to Facebook in three parts:


    Here is my response:

    Dear Jaco,

    I have a blog on my webpage also.

    Wolfskin Central is a public group, and any “correspondence” between members is usually done right there, in public. Any correspondence done on private messaging is none of my business, so I do not have access to it, and I do not want to.

    I have no desire to participate in games and I do not react very well to being threatened. I have done nothing to you and you are taking this too far. You are acting like the big bully. Knock it off! I am not impressed. Explain yourself for this comment:


    I took this screenshot from your blog:


    It seems you are two-faced, taking great pleasure in dishing out threats and blackmailing others (read your notes to me above), while threatening to whine to “the authorities” if we do not play your game. How do you even have time for this?

    It is time to put the big boy pants on and act like a man. You are beginning to sound pathetic.

    I am not hiding and easy to find. If you plan a visit to Sacramento, let me know, I can suggest the best hotels and venues for your stay. If you show up at my door with a bunch of thugs to “get me…”

  • Dealing With Cancer XXXIII

    09/05/2016~ I have been bad… In June I posted to Facebook that Jim was in remission, but for reasons I do not understand, I did not post it here.

    The Petscan showed that the cancer in his lymph nodes, liver, and spleen no longer posed a threat, but was it gone? The answer was that Jim had to be tested every three months. I get all my answers from Jim because I do not want to create more stress for him, understanding very well the need that we “only children” have for control over our own lives.

    It is not that he does not want me involved, for he really does, and tries to share everything with me, but the information I get is subject to his interpretations. This drives me crazy, but I try to remain positive and uplifting.

    How is he doing? Well, I am not sure. He easily spends 20 hours of a 24 hour day in bed. He has no energy to inspire him. I have been sidelined with diabetic wounds on both ankles, complicated by MRSA, which I got during treatment the last time, when I got a spider bite. Jim has had to take over shopping duties because I cannot drive without immense pain. He also drives me to my weekly appointment. This seems to have done him good because it gives him purpose, but I can see this slowly fading.

    Jim has his first three-month appointment on September 23rd. We have no choice but to take things day by day.