• Reply to Jaco van Deventer

    As background, I received a note from someone that has been warring with members that belong to a group that I administer. I really had not paid attention to much of the back and forth between the parties, not wanting to get involved. Here is the note, that was posted to Facebook in three parts:


    Here is my response:

    Dear Jaco,

    I have a blog on my webpage also.

    Wolfskin Central is a public group, and any “correspondence” between members is usually done right there, in public. Any correspondence done on private messaging is none of my business, so I do not have access to it, and I do not want to.

    I have no desire to participate in games and I do not react very well to being threatened. I have done nothing to you and you are taking this too far. You are acting like the big bully. Knock it off! I am not impressed. Explain yourself for this comment:


    I took this screenshot from your blog:


    It seems you are two-faced, taking great pleasure in dishing out threats and blackmailing others (read your notes to me above), while threatening to whine to “the authorities” if we do not play your game. How do you even have time for this?

    It is time to put the big boy pants on and act like a man. You are beginning to sound pathetic.

    I am not hiding and easy to find. If you plan a visit to Sacramento, let me know, I can suggest the best hotels and venues for your stay. If you show up at my door with a bunch of thugs to “get me…”

  • Dealing With Cancer XXXIII

    09/05/2016~ I have been bad… In June I posted to Facebook that Jim was in remission, but for reasons I do not understand, I did not post it here.

    The Petscan showed that the cancer in his lymph nodes, liver, and spleen no longer posed a threat, but was it gone? The answer was that Jim had to be tested every three months. I get all my answers from Jim because I do not want to create more stress for him, understanding very well the need that we “only children” have for control over our own lives.

    It is not that he does not want me involved, for he really does, and tries to share everything with me, but the information I get is subject to his interpretations. This drives me crazy, but I try to remain positive and uplifting.

    How is he doing? Well, I am not sure. He easily spends 20 hours of a 24 hour day in bed. He has no energy to inspire him. I have been sidelined with diabetic wounds on both ankles, complicated by MRSA, which I got during treatment the last time, when I got a spider bite. Jim has had to take over shopping duties because I cannot drive without immense pain. He also drives me to my weekly appointment. This seems to have done him good because it gives him purpose, but I can see this slowly fading.

    Jim has his first three-month appointment on September 23rd. We have no choice but to take things day by day.


  • Dealing With Cancer XXXII

    This waiting is unbearable!


    Yes, we are playing the waiting game! Jim was given “a month off” after his chemotherapy course ended.

    We were happy because Jim needed a break. What were we thinking? Jim has his next super-duper scan on Tuesday, June 14th in Roseville, then he sees his doctor on Monday, June 20th. Until then, we have no idea if the chemotherapy worked, or what plan B might be.

    Jim has spent the last month sleeping most of the time, a sign that deep depression is setting in. He gets up to eat several times a day, when he has an appetite, but sometimes he will go 18 to 24 hours without eating. He says he is just not hungry. I talked him into weighing himself… He now weighs 156 pounds. Am I scared, you ask? Do wild bears $hit in the woods? Here is the proof.


    I try so hard to keep things positive and Jim hasn’t completely given up hope, but there is not a day that goes by that he does not say, “I’m dying.”

    So here we are, waiting!


    images (2)





    too long to wait



  • Dealing With Cancer XXXI

    05/28/2016, I have not written anything in a while… My bad…

    We have been in a holding pattern. Jim’s six month “course” with Chemotherapy is complete, and now we wait for him to go to Kaiser, Roseville, for a new high tech scan. After those results are in, the doctor will determine where to go from here.


    Jim has been feeling fatigued, with no energy. He had a really bad neck ache, but I am unable to find any lumps. He now says his neck no longer aches. Hmmm…

    It is frustrating to try to find specific information about lymphoma. Do not get me wrong, there is plenty of information out there, but some of it is so vague that is becomes useless. I looked up neck pain with lymphoma, and almost all of it is related to the diagnosis for lymphoma; sometimes, people that think they have the flu, with classic symptoms like swollen lymph glands in the neck, are diagnosed with lymphoma. The lymph nodes we associate with this are in the the front of the neck, but his pain is/was coming from the back of his neck. I learned we have lymph nodes at the back of the neck also.


    Uncertainty is torture!

  • I Used to Like and Follow “We The People”

    What does voting mean to you? Do you research issues and candidates? Do you vote your conscience, or just see what others think and vote their way? Do you listen to the pundits who tell you how you should vote? How do you feel when you have diligently picked the candidate who would be the best, and then see others turn on your candidate with demeaning remarks and ridicule, calling your candidate a spoiler? Does it make you angry when you are told that a vote for your candidate equals a vote for the hated other side?
    Let me share with you one example of what I mean. This is regarding a Facebook page that I once admired… The page is called “We The People.”

    I no longer trust or respect this page.

    They posted an article by Mother Jones, but it was their own commentary introducing the post that offended me.

    wethepeople1 - Copy

    I read it over and over again, hoping to find a silver lining, but there was none. I was angry and so I made a comment.


    They did not handle my criticism well (I will admit to being angry), nor did they choose to give an intelligent, well-thought-out perspective. Instead they called me an idiot and banned me from commenting on the page at all. I would like to think that they were unsure how to handle me, but the truth is, this type of reactionary action and commentary seems to be the norm.

    Since then, they have escalated their attacks on my candidate and coined a new name for his followers. We are now Berniebots.














    They have stooped well below the line of decency. They call themselves progressives and “Berniebots” are now cynics. Does the commentary with each of these posts show progressives in action? NO!

  • Dealing With Cancer XXX

    05/03/2016~ The secret is out so I am no longer obliged to keep the secret.

    My mother has just been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer. Her lung has already collapsed and she now needs oxygen to keep her breathing normal. She asked the doctor who had shared this diagnosis with her how long he thought she had. He answered that she had four to six weeks. We were all devastated!

    After chatting with him longer, she learned that he was a professional tennis player from Calcutta, India, and as it turns out, he knows Jarkko Nieminen, a Finnish professional tennis player (recently retired). He looked at her with new eyes. She was no longer just an 80-year old woman to him, and he came back and ordered Chemotherapy. She finished her first series on Friday, April 29, 2016.

    We are now waiting for the results of her MRI/CT Scan on a new machine they have at Kaiser in Roseville. Ironically, my husband will be getting his MRI/CT SCAN on the same machine on June 13, 2016. They are worried that mom’s cancer has metastasized and is in her brain. He told her if that was the case, then they would try radiation therapy. She is happy just knowing that he is now on her side!!


    Dad, me and mom, migrating to the USA, 1964
    Dad, me and mom, migrating to the USA, 1964


    My beautiful mother.
    My beautiful mother.


    Mom and Dad on their wedding day
    Mom and Dad on their wedding day


    50th Wedding Anniversary,  mom and dad
    50th Wedding Anniversary, mom and dad

  • Dealing With Cancer: XXIX

    04/29/2016~ Poor Jim! He has no more delirium, but the memories have come flooding back.

    Jim was taking a nap on the couch and I was writing a new chapter in my book.

    “I made a fool out of myself this weekend didn’t I?” Jim asked quietly from the couch. I raised my head, knowing he was watching me, but I did not turn to look at him.

    “That sounds a little harsh,” I responded. “Remember what your doctor said? ‘You are a sick man Mr. Vogel.'” I turned to look at him, laying on the couch, eyes glistening with tears that had yet to spill over. I got up and somehow managed to sit on the floor next to him and gather him into my arms, holding him tight, letting him softly cry.

    I wanted to scream at the sky, and shake my fist… at no one, I was at a loss, but I have to be strong.

    Cancer is now taking another… Why does it want the two I cannot live without? Four to six weeks I am told.

    I scream and shake my fist at no one…

    Pablo Picasso
    Pablo Picasso